sugar, i'm going down swinging

i just came back from my third driving lesson and i feel like death right now. i can tell that i'm getting slightly better but i'm still terrible. at least i'm improving though. so that's something to be happy about until my next lesson. yeah, my life hasn't been good so if i'm going down, i might as well make the best of it. so here are some good things that happened to me to make up for the rest of the crap that has happened too. 

i recently gained like 42 followers overnight on my tumblr all because i was drawing little doodles of some of my followers that looked something like these: 

well those were just my favorite three but there's like 37 more others on my tumblr heheh ^___^ 

also flash news update! tash my lil succulent is dying and i'm so sad. her leaves are dropping and she's wilting. i've moved her to the great outdoors but if she still doesn't survive then i'll have to get myself another plant to replace her since beansie my cactus will be alone. 

yes, i know that you think it's weird how i'm treating my plants like people but i'm sorry they're like children to me. very cute children that don't scream, cry, or annoy the heck out of you till you want to throw them out the window. 

oh! oh! i've also been using a lot of lip balm lately which makes my lips super soft and perfect when applying lipstick. i've been using these cute little cupcake lip balms which look super duper cute and also smell real good. 

i usually apply these during the day and as my base before i put on my lipstick sometimes and at night i just slap on some vaseline before i hit the hay. my lips are now luscious and soft like lindsey wixson's (i hope). 

i've been wanting to make my haul post with all my mom's hand-me-down clothes but i'm so lazy because there's going to be so much editing needed to be done. i promise that i'll try to get it up soon though. till then, let's hope i don't kill a man before my next post. 

extra icing on the crap cake

i'm so done right now honest to god. i swear..... it just hasn't been my day for the entire span of this week. 

things have been extra shitty lately. i just started taking driving lessons last friday and they went really badly. i got yelled at by my driving instructor a lot to a point where i actually felt like crying and giving up which isn't normal for me because i'm prone to bullshit like that most of the time. maybe it's because i'm more emotional these days? i don't know... i knocked into a cone, bumped into another car, ran over a road divider, and almost rammed into a wall during my lesson. all this under a remarkable speed of 10km/h. someone should give me an award for being the shittiest driver on the road because i really deserve that since i can't even turn the steering wheel properly without being yelled at. i was supposed to go for another class today but thank the heavens, the instructor couldn't make it so my class has been postponed for next wednesday. i'm actually really mad at myself for being such a stupid idiot that's scared of driving. i even got anxiety the other night because of it and it was quite bad. i won't go into detail because i don't want to relive it but yeah... 

summer school just ended today too. so now i have a three week holiday before the term actually starts and i'm going to use that time to catch up with friends since i haven't had any opportunity to really hang out with any of them lately since they all seem to be really busy. either that or they're all ignoring me lmao. i might even be going to hong kong for a vacation trip but it's not confirmed yet. i plan on doing some in season shopping and that place is perfect for that. i'm a little sad that summer school ended because it's really been a great experience and a lot of fun. i can't wait till the term actually starts. the teachers are all really nice and friendly and i've even been corresponding with my design tech teacher because he asked me for food recommendations on places that serve good tandoori chicken because obviously he knows that i know the best places for food *winky face* i gave him a list of places and he'll give me his tandoori chicken report when school reopens. 

also, i'm so frustrated on how american apparel doesn't have shipping to my country. like, what even???????? for the first time in forever, i actually have the money and am willing to spend on $82 worth of american apparel clothes and they don't ship to my country????????????? i'm so done. i might buy a white american apparel crop top from this other website but honestly my mood has been kind of killed right now. i even had free shipping! what a disappointment... i mean look at this cute grid print lolita crop top and micro poly cheerleader wrap skirt i was going to buy! i'm so upset over this, honestly. 

i don't even know why i'm so eager to spend so much money lately. i guess it might be because i've been a sort of shitty mood lately and maybe i just need stuff like new clothes and makeup to make me feel better? my mom plans on giving me some of her old clothes that she doesn't wear any more because she's too old for their designs. i just hope that i'll be able to fit in them that's all since i'm not exactly petite considering my short hight. i have a really busty chest and hips that are too wide which makes it difficult for me to fit into most clothes. also my thighs are the size of the pacific ocean especially when i sit down so leggings make me look very unflattering which is a sad case because leggings are like every girl's wardrobe must have for comfy casual wear.

i'm not like most of my friends who are born with perfect naturally good physiques. unlike ruyi, tracia, joyce, and a whole bunch of others, i actually had to work really really hard to get a good figure. it's hard i'll give you that but i'm working on it. i've been continuing my diet and healthy lifestyle and it seems to be working. according to both my parents, i've actually lost quite a bit of weight and i didn't even have to starve myself this time. i'm still far from my ideal figure but i find that i'm more confident with myself lately? it must be due to the fact that i follow a lot of blogs lately on tumblr where their bloggers often give motivational support to their followers about their physical appearance and stuff like that and i think it must have motivated me too. of course there will still be a once in a while moment where i will not be happy with my body but i'm trying my best to push those thoughts aside and be happy with how i look and how much progress i've made from when i just started.

i also still do my jogging or walks but not as often as before since my trainers broke. i'm saving up for a pair of nike roshe runs and at the moment i'll be wearing one of my white sneakers since i don't have any other proper trainers. i don't want to stop the routine just because i don't have proper trainers and it helps me save faster since my feet get blistered a lot in the sneakers since they're not meant for running in and i just motivate myself by telling myself: the faster you save up, the sooner you no longer have to endure all this pain. i'm not sure which design of the nike roshe run that i want just yet but my main focus is to just save up to RM500/600 for now. i'll decide when i have enough.

right now, this geometric nike roshe run is my favourite 

i still go to the park every weekend with my dad. he goes for a walk while i jog. my mom is even considering on joining us because she thinks it's really healthy. i feel kind of proud for introducing the both of them to this healthier lifestyle. they're even more aware of the food that they're eating because of me. who knew the day would come when i turned into some health freak. 

anyway, that should be enough venting for now. i might do another blog post tomorrow about my updated beauty/fashion wish list （＾＿＾）☆ so till then, i hope your life isn't as bad as this crap cake of mine called life. 

succulent ❁

today is a holiday so that's why i decided to write this to update you on what's been going on in the world of miki. 

so about a week ago, i finally transferred out of my old school to my current one now. i'm doing my ib diploma there which is sort of like a pre-u program but technically i'm still in high school and considered as a high school student. i'm doing high level english language and literature, design technology, and visual arts. as for my standard level subjects, i'm choosing to do business management, math studies, and mandarin. i'm in the summer school program at the moment and i've only met my theory of knowledge and design tech teacher who used to be a professional chef in the u.k. for twelve years and was also a food nutritionist. he owned his own restaurant and published his own cookbook. he was also on a program for the bbc once. he's really cute. not in the looks type of way! i mean his actions and the way he acts is really cute. i enjoy his class because it was really interactive and fun. he was supposed to teach my class how to make bread today but there wasn't any school today so that didn't happen. it's sort of a first time that i'm disappointed at how there isn't any school so you can get the idea of how much i enjoy my new school. 

i spent my day today by waking up early and going to have breakfast at this place called tommy la baker which has fantastic bread. i had a croissant and an apricot and pistachio sourdough bun with a nice cup of hot chocolate. 

after that, i went plant shopping with my dad because i wanted to get some cute little pot plants for my room. i roughly wanted a little cactus or succulent but all the choices were so pretty that i had trouble choosing only just two. 

in the end, i got a cute little cacti and a succulent that was in a pretty pink pot. i plan on naming them but i still haven't decided on what to name them. so far i'm thinking of naming the succulent tash and the cacti beansie. （＾＿＾）☆

also i went shopping and bought three new pieces of clothing from m.n.g. which were a white blouse, black leather skirt, and a ivory knitted pullover sweater. i've been wanting a nice leather skirt for ages and now i've finally got one. plus, the white blouse goes great with the skirt. the sweater was just really comfy and i figured that i could always use an extra sweater for school. there's no such thing as too many sweaters in my book *wink wink*

so that's all I did for today. i'd say that it was pretty productive. as for what good food i've been having lately, i just recently went to this place called breadfruits that serves 100% organic food last saturday. they also sell organic bread and fruits (therefore the name breadfruits). i had their salmon breakfast platter which had smoked salmon, scrambled eggs, sourdough bread, and salad with avocados and cherry tomatoes. the meal came with black coffee and their juice of the day which was pineapple and orange juice. the whole meal was great. the eggs were perfectly cooked and so was the salmon. the vegetables were nice and fresh. the only thing that could use some improvement was the sourdough bread but other than that, everything was great and on point. even the juice and the coffee. 

that's all for now i guess. at least there's school tomorrow which i'm quite looking forward to. oh, and i'll be taking my first driving lesson this friday! soon i'll be able to drive and pull over in front of my old school and quote mean girls by saying to tracia and joyce "GET IN LOSERS WE'RE GOING SHOPPING!" it's one of the main reasons why i want to be able to drive as soon as possible. hahaha. 

anyhow,if you read all this, i hope you had a great day （❁＾＿＾）☆

love love love

most of my blog posts lately have been about me ranting about certain things so i'm trying to make this one full of positive vibes for a change（＾_＾）

things have been pretty good for me lately. on monday i finally received my dress that i ordered online from romwe  (which is my new favourite online store) and it looked as great as it did on the website. the quality is fantastic and it comes with its own zip lock bag for if you're travelling and you can exchange or refund it if the product has any issues eg. size being too small/large or too long/short. it's just this absolutely adorable light powder blue dress with eye prints and a really cute little turtleneck. if you've read one of my previous posts, i mentioned that this dress was in my fashion bucketlist and i'm so happy to finally cross it out. i wore it yesterday when i was out with my parents and styled it with my oversized denim jacket which was tied around my waist and my white chunky high heeled sneakers that i got from japan during my holiday there. i used my studded faux leather backpack but you can't really see it so i'll just show it some other time. 

extremely adorable dress from romwe *squeelsssss*

they're kinda like creepers but at the same time not?????
i don'treally know what they're called. 

i thought that i looked hella cute and i even did a little make up but just a simple cat eye look. nothing much. 

cat eye alexa chung style ( ^ _ ^ )

i don't like the lines to be too thick because it makes my eyes look smaller and they're already as small as it is on their own. do excuse my eyebags. insomniac problems one-o-one. 

so while i was out with my parents, i had lunch at this place called hakata ippudo which is some japanese restaurant that's pretty famous for their pork ramen. i ordered the miso pork ramen and oh my god it was so good! definitely food for the soul and perfect for a cold rainy day 

（＾ν＾）

their salmon avocado bacon rolls were good too and not to mention, good presentation as well as taste.

and after that i had green tea ice cream which was wonderful. 

i've done a little redecorating for my room too and i really like how it looks. it's not much. just one corner of my room but i think it looks great. i'll planning on doing more in the future. 

the black picture is a birthday present from tracia that she drew for me. do ignore the weird patch of white light it's just my camera's stupid flash. 

this week has been very good to me and a lot has happened. i also visited an art gallery the day before and saw many beautiful paintings done by talented locals. this one was my favorite because of the beautiful meaning behind it. 

the rest of the paintings are on my instagram account (link at the bottom of the page). okay, i'm gonna sign off now because i wouldn't wanna bore you with my life so till then xx

welcome to the idiot manufacturing factory called life

one thing i never understood was why some people are so judgemental about other people's lives and life choices even though it has nothing to do with them. 

like just recently tracia styled herself with bangs and they were the short type like grimes and hayley williams's. in fact I thought that her hairstyle looked rather like grimes's in the music video for her song vanessa. 

in fact i think she looks good in her new hair. not many people can pull off that look but she managed to. but sadly some people don't think so. personally i would love to have that same hairstyle but my hair is naturally oily so my bangs wouldn't look that nice. first of all, two people actually came up to me to ask about what's up with her new hair. one of them was even gossiping about it with someone else for god's sake. worst of all they pretended to like it and even complimented her by saying she looked like taylor swift. but then that girl came up to me asking "what's up with tracia's hair? why's she got bangs now?" and then she started telling me about how her and her friend who she gossiped with started judging her. as for the second person who asked about tracia's new edgy hairstyle, she wasn't so bad. it was just mere confusion because she hadn't come to school for the last few days and suddenly returned to see tracia with bangs. 

what i'm just trying to say here is that whatever other people's choices, it's none of your business. if you don't like it, then just shut up. it's their choice anyway. it's got nothing to do with you so why care so much? if you like it, then compliment them. if you don't, then just don't say anything. if you don't like someone's new hairstyle or what they're wearing, then don't look at them. simple as that. it's not as if it's your own appearance instead of someone else's. 

nobody's forcing you to look at them. 

sure you can give them positive criticism like saying how maybe you prefer something else but don't criticize them in a way that you're saying as if whatever choice they made was a mistake. 

this is why people are so afraid of making different choices and doing what they like. they're afraid of being judged. i'm way over that. i used to be that way until i realized that life is just too short to live with a fear of being judged. i do what i want because it's what i want and what i want doesn't matter to anyone else. just like that dr. seuss quote says "those who care don't matter and those who don't care do"

my friends are okay with my choices and don't tell me that i need to change them. just like how i'm the same with them. i only give my opinion when they ask for it. like seriously. the world is full of fakes who only pretend to like you but talk shit behind your back. it's all pretty stupid but then again that's life and life is full of brain dead idiots. 

stop the world, i wanna get off

i am pissed off and annoyed. in fact, you can say that the best way to describe my mood at the moment is "3000% done" and i know that it's mathematically impossible to be 3000% done with anything but generally i don't give a damn. that's how done i am right now. 

my best friend just told me about something that happened to her recently which made me feel this angry and i thought that i ought to share my thoughts on the certain subject. 

so here's the deal. tracia goes back home via a transporter with a bunch of other people from our school and other schools too because her parents are probably too busy to actually pick her up. sometimes it's really packed and there isn't enough space for everyone which was the case for this situation. she eventually had to sit on this guy's lap to save space and this barbaric idiot decided to dry hump her. now if you read my blog posts frequently, you're probably rolling your eyes and going oh god not another feminist rant again and yes it is just that so bear with me please this one is important. i don't even know why tracia gets so many feminist problems. it's probably because of her ravishingly good looks. 

so anyway, the guy started dry humping her which made her feel really uncomfortable considering the fact that he's two years younger than her and has a girlfriend. plus, her head kept hitting the roof of the car and he did nothing about it whatsoever. she yelled at him to stop obviously. i mean who wouldn't, right? and here's the sick part. her "friends" a.k.a. her transport buddies just laughed and did nothing about it. in fact one of them even told him to not listen to her and go on. 

at this point, i'm pretty sure tracia felt really angry and violated. i wouldn't blame her. so she punched the guy really hard and finally he stopped. this just pisses me off so much. first of all, what makes you think that you can do that to a girl? do you have no morals at all? are you like some kind of animal that just shags anything that it likes? this is just disgusting. and the fact that nobody did anything about it makes it worse. this isn't a fucking joke. he just sexually assaulted her and you all did nothing about it and just laughed?¿ what kind of people are you? how do you even live with yourselves? if i ever saw anyone getting sexually assaulted — even if i don't know them —i would still at least try to help them. 

honestly if i was in tracia's position, i would have done a lot worse to the guy than just give him a lame punch. i swear i would decapitate his head off and give him hell. this shouldn't happen to anyone. your fucking negligence is the reason why rape culture is a thing. honestly this was how i felt when i heard all this from tracia. 

this just really sickens me. i don't even understand why they're her friends. in fact i don't even understand how they even have friends. at the moment i'm so done with them that i wished i was an octopus just so i could facepalm myself with eight hands all at once and also to slap them all at once with eight hands. 

this is just disgusting. if anybody ever experiences something similar to this, don't be afraid to stand up for yourself and tell the guy to stop whatever he's doing. and if he doesn't, then elbow him in his crotch and break his nuts. sexual assault isn't a joke and feminism should never be taken lightly. 

i'm going to sign off now with this picture of how i looked like the entire time typing this. 

we need feminism!

so yesterday i was pretty ticked off about something. i was wearing this really cool dress that i had gotten from h&m. the pastel ice creams on it were ultra cute and i thought that i could wear it with my black tights since it was too short to just wear it as it is and i didn't feel like wearing shorts on that day. 

the only problem with the dress was that the holes for my arms were pretty big. since i was too lazy to put on a camisole, i decided to just not care and wear the outfit without a camisole. so technically you could see my bra but only if i lifted my arms up. other than that, it wasn't even noticeable at all.  

i got called out by my mum for being inappropriate and said that my dressing was explicit. the only reason why she even saw my bra was because she was sitting next to me while we were having lunch and obviously i had to lift up my arms in order to eat otherwise I'd just look plain ridiculous. 

she started nagging me about how some men who might be extra horny would have raped me if they saw me dressing that way (ie. if they saw my lacey bra). i found this just stupid. let me just say that the reason why i didn't want to put on my camisole wasn't because i wanted to show off some skin to get boys's attention. it was because i have sensitive skin that gets easily prone to heat rashes when it's hot. it was a very hot day yesterday and my heat rashes were acting up so to not burden myself. i thought, hey! maybe i don't have to wear my camisole since it'll just make my heat rashes worse and besides my bra isn't that obvious anyway! but nope! i still got nagged at by my parents. my own parents for god's sake! 

here's what i think. i do not have to dress a certain way that discomforts me just because some men can't control themselves and act impulsively. stop blaming the victim. stop blaming women. it's not our problem that you can't control that bulging erection of yours. it disgusts me how boys can run around shirtless all day and it's no big deal but when a girl does it it suddenly makes her a slut? grow up people! boobs are just fat on the chest. i see tons of men with man boobs going around shirtless and nobody says a thing. so why is it suddenly explicit when it comes to women? 

and don't even get me started on why rape is okay because the guy "couldn't help it" because "the girl was asking for it by wearing something so skin revealing". please take those two excuses, wrap them up in a bundle, and then shove them up your own ass. it's not our problem if you men can't control your sexual fantasies. stop blaming others for your own faults. we see you men running around shirtless all day but we don't rape you because at least we have the decency to have some self control. honestly if rape is okay because a guy can't control his sexual urges then murder should be okay too because i'm having my time of the month. 

i'm just really worked up about how we don't have enough feminism in our lives. all i did was not wear a camisole and it earned me two long lectures. at least i put on a bra and it's not like i would lift my arms up 24/7 like hey check it out! you can see my bra and while you're at it maybe you could smell my pits too! 

women should be able to dress however they want without having the need to worry about whatever anyone thinks of the way they look. they need to be thought of as human beings rather than just sexual pleasures for men. we need equality. that is why we need feminism. 

wake up and smell the flowers. there's a whole life ahead of you.

it's a great thought knowing that some of the best days of our lives probably haven't even happened yet. think about it. imagine what's out there. the future i mean. a never-ending void of possibilities. there's still lots of good food to eat, great music to listen to while shaking your tush along to, great writers to discover and good books to read and get lost in over and over again. there are still beautiful places to travel to, breathtaking sights to see, lovely people to meet and wild adventures with friends to go on.

there are so many things that you haven't done yet. you haven't gone cafe hopping with your best friends, you've never been on a vacation trip to another country all on your own, you've never laid down in the middle of a big empty field at night and just watched a sky full of stars with someone that means a lot to you, you've never been to that dream destination that you've always wanted to visit, you've never visited a forest on your own, etc.

i don't really know why i just decided to write a blog post about something so deep. maybe it was because of this question on ask fm asking me whether or not i worry about the future. it made me sit down and think for a while on how to answer it. i knew that of course, just like everyone else, that the idea of the future is something terrifying. but i don't worry about the future that much. (well not as much as i used to that is)

back then in my earlier days though i wouldn't say very far back (the time between the age of 15 to 16), i used to worry a lot about my future but i wasn't worried about things that everyone else was worrying about like whether or not i would get into uni or get a good job with a good salary after i graduate. i was worried about different things like whether or not my life is going to be outstanding and not average just like everybody else's or whether or not i was going to be special when i entered the real world. i want to have a dream job that i enjoy, not some boring average job like being a clerk or a secretary and i was afraid that my dream would backfire in the future. i'm afraid of mediocrity and that i'll just be another brick in the wall.

but anyway, that was before. things are different now. i don't worry about the future anymore. of course it still keeps me pondering on what's going to happen to me next but that's something inevitable. as i mentioned before, the future is undefined and it's a never-ending void of possibilities. i like to think of it as a train track. you don't know where a train track ends unless you follow it for yourself.

so here's the thing. stop worrying about the future and focus more importantly on the now. learn to live in the moment and create wonderful memories with the amazing people that you have around you. take time to smell the flowers and tell the people that mean a lot to you that you love them and that you mean it. go on road trips with friends. stay in cheap motels overnight with them and make the best of it. visit somewhere thats first language isn't english and learn to communicate with the locals there. live. as long as you're on the right path in your life, everything will be alright and the future begins to write itself. every footstep that you take today brings you to where you'll be tomorrow.

To see a world in a grain of sand and heaven in a wild flower, hold infinity in the palms of your hand and eternity in an hour. — William Blake

☼ shot reverse shot ☼

hey everyone! so it's been ages since my last blog post but yea now i'm back and will update more regularly (i hope).

so 2014 is pretty good for me so far. things have been going superb. i got to have fun and get closer with some really cool people and also discover and listen to some pretty good music like champagne supernova by oasis, heart to heart by james blunt, changing of the seasons by two door cinema club, and much much more. i even started owning a second instagram account called flowaah_ where i post  cool stuff from tumblr. i'm really happy with that because it got quite a lot of followers and i even managed to make some internet friends from it so go check it out maybe ☺ it's not as much as some of the other accounts but its a lot to me.

i even started to get more involved in clubs too so that's why i took part in my school's interact club and even joined the taekwondo club. joining back taekwondo after so long made me realise how much i actually missed it. it felt good letting out my anger through taekwondo passive aggressively.

well other than that i guess some other stuff came up too like how i kind of lost a friend because of some pretty personal yet stupid and ridiculous reasons but unlike her, i will not badmouth her like she did to me on the internet to the public because i'm much more mature than that and i'm not as childish as she is. lets just say that i don't care about her any more. i'm not going to give her any attention at all. not even negative attention because that's what she's looking for which is any form of attention no matter what. she is toxic waste and i don't need her in my life.

well i guess that's all for now. will update next time when something interesting in my life happens ✌

i'll leave you all with this really good song ♡♡♡