extra icing on the crap cake

i'm so done right now honest to god. i swear..... it just hasn't been my day for the entire span of this week. 

things have been extra shitty lately. i just started taking driving lessons last friday and they went really badly. i got yelled at by my driving instructor a lot to a point where i actually felt like crying and giving up which isn't normal for me because i'm prone to bullshit like that most of the time. maybe it's because i'm more emotional these days? i don't know... i knocked into a cone, bumped into another car, ran over a road divider, and almost rammed into a wall during my lesson. all this under a remarkable speed of 10km/h. someone should give me an award for being the shittiest driver on the road because i really deserve that since i can't even turn the steering wheel properly without being yelled at. i was supposed to go for another class today but thank the heavens, the instructor couldn't make it so my class has been postponed for next wednesday. i'm actually really mad at myself for being such a stupid idiot that's scared of driving. i even got anxiety the other night because of it and it was quite bad. i won't go into detail because i don't want to relive it but yeah... 

summer school just ended today too. so now i have a three week holiday before the term actually starts and i'm going to use that time to catch up with friends since i haven't had any opportunity to really hang out with any of them lately since they all seem to be really busy. either that or they're all ignoring me lmao. i might even be going to hong kong for a vacation trip but it's not confirmed yet. i plan on doing some in season shopping and that place is perfect for that. i'm a little sad that summer school ended because it's really been a great experience and a lot of fun. i can't wait till the term actually starts. the teachers are all really nice and friendly and i've even been corresponding with my design tech teacher because he asked me for food recommendations on places that serve good tandoori chicken because obviously he knows that i know the best places for food *winky face* i gave him a list of places and he'll give me his tandoori chicken report when school reopens. 

also, i'm so frustrated on how american apparel doesn't have shipping to my country. like, what even???????? for the first time in forever, i actually have the money and am willing to spend on $82 worth of american apparel clothes and they don't ship to my country????????????? i'm so done. i might buy a white american apparel crop top from this other website but honestly my mood has been kind of killed right now. i even had free shipping! what a disappointment... i mean look at this cute grid print lolita crop top and micro poly cheerleader wrap skirt i was going to buy! i'm so upset over this, honestly. 

i don't even know why i'm so eager to spend so much money lately. i guess it might be because i've been a sort of shitty mood lately and maybe i just need stuff like new clothes and makeup to make me feel better? my mom plans on giving me some of her old clothes that she doesn't wear any more because she's too old for their designs. i just hope that i'll be able to fit in them that's all since i'm not exactly petite considering my short hight. i have a really busty chest and hips that are too wide which makes it difficult for me to fit into most clothes. also my thighs are the size of the pacific ocean especially when i sit down so leggings make me look very unflattering which is a sad case because leggings are like every girl's wardrobe must have for comfy casual wear.

i'm not like most of my friends who are born with perfect naturally good physiques. unlike ruyi, tracia, joyce, and a whole bunch of others, i actually had to work really really hard to get a good figure. it's hard i'll give you that but i'm working on it. i've been continuing my diet and healthy lifestyle and it seems to be working. according to both my parents, i've actually lost quite a bit of weight and i didn't even have to starve myself this time. i'm still far from my ideal figure but i find that i'm more confident with myself lately? it must be due to the fact that i follow a lot of blogs lately on tumblr where their bloggers often give motivational support to their followers about their physical appearance and stuff like that and i think it must have motivated me too. of course there will still be a once in a while moment where i will not be happy with my body but i'm trying my best to push those thoughts aside and be happy with how i look and how much progress i've made from when i just started.

i also still do my jogging or walks but not as often as before since my trainers broke. i'm saving up for a pair of nike roshe runs and at the moment i'll be wearing one of my white sneakers since i don't have any other proper trainers. i don't want to stop the routine just because i don't have proper trainers and it helps me save faster since my feet get blistered a lot in the sneakers since they're not meant for running in and i just motivate myself by telling myself: the faster you save up, the sooner you no longer have to endure all this pain. i'm not sure which design of the nike roshe run that i want just yet but my main focus is to just save up to RM500/600 for now. i'll decide when i have enough.

right now, this geometric nike roshe run is my favourite 

i still go to the park every weekend with my dad. he goes for a walk while i jog. my mom is even considering on joining us because she thinks it's really healthy. i feel kind of proud for introducing the both of them to this healthier lifestyle. they're even more aware of the food that they're eating because of me. who knew the day would come when i turned into some health freak. 

anyway, that should be enough venting for now. i might do another blog post tomorrow about my updated beauty/fashion wish list （＾＿＾）☆ so till then, i hope your life isn't as bad as this crap cake of mine called life.