make a wish ✌

so lately i have been doing a lot of charity work this holiday. since i'm having a two month break i've decided to do some charity work so i can keep myself busy. my parents actually support this idea of mine because it keeps me busy and i won't have my face glued to my technology devices while having my soul sucked into tumblr and doctor who (a.k.a. just two of my biggest obsessions)

what i have done so far was donate my hair for wig companies to make special wigs for cancer patients that are kids and volunteer for this thing called the make a wish foundation.

in case you didn't know, the make a wish foundation is a big and well known non profit organisation in america but they also have one in almost every other country as well. their job is to grant wishes for unfortunate or ill kids below the age of seventeen. most of these kids are usually cancer patients who only have a few more months to live. they have kids' wishes to grant almost everyday.

so last friday was the first time i volunteered and my job was to buy snacks for the kid that we were going to visit on a $200 budget. the kid for that day's wish was to have a laptop and to also have a nice dinner with his family. he's a five year old malay boy who is having bone cancer and only has one leg. he walks using wooden crutches and he doesn't have any hair on him due to all the chemotherapy treatments he has been having. our plan for him was to let him and his family spend three days at the hilton hotel and treat them to a nice buffet dinner. 

what we planned for him was to decorate another hotel room which is next to the one his family is staying in and decorate it with all his favourite things like sweet, board games, toys, etc. apparently my job was to buy the food for the room and guess what. i had a $200 shopping budget so you could say that i went a little mad with all the junk food ☺ after that i went to the hilton hotel and helped to decorate his room with a bunch of his favourite things. there was a mini ball pit, a toy car that you could actually drive, a race car track toy set, a bunch of board games, the laptop and all the food. 

it actually has lights and an engine
that works. 

 

 and so after that all of the volunteers (including me) had dinner with them and it was great because the food was good + all you can eat buffet + free of charge. and now seriously, what is better than free unlimited amounts of good food? one thing that you should know about me is that i eat a lot and i love food so yeah no wonder i'm fat. 

there even was a clown there and i didn't take any pictures of that clown because clowns are evil and i hate them. after the dinner we surprised them by letting them finally enter the room. their reactions were priceless and it really made all the hard work worth it ☺ ☺ ☺

ngawww how adorable ☺

such a cutie ☺
she loved the ball pit the most

the older brother
driving with swag ✌

 

burying herself in balls

finally got his laptop

honestly i absolutely felt really great because it just made my heart melt to see someone like him who didn't have much longer to live to be so happy and cheerful. the entire time he was just hopping on his one leg with his wooden crutches and smiling all the way and it made me realise that if people like him can accept all the difficulty in their lives and learn to deal with it, then so can i. and what made me feel the happiest of all was that i managed to make him that happy. 

i miss the whole bunch of them. especially his little sister because she was the cutest ☺ i hope i get to have more opportunities in the future to volunteer and help people like this because seeing the smiles on everyone's face is the best reward of all ♡ 

gallifrey falls no more

okay so basically if you're a non whovian or if you haven't watched the 50th anniversary episode yet then you wouldn't understand the title of this post. if you don't want any spoilers then i suggest you read this post after you watch the episode. if you don't mind then do go on. ☺

right now i have just finished watching the live streaming of the 50th and in the words of my friend andrea koid: "confused, exhausted and angry. goodbye" 

honestly it was a REALLY good episode though. i cried so much i bet my pillowcase is damp now with my tears. the fact that all previous doctors and the 12th doctor appeared in this episode just made me squeal with delight. i actually liked john hurt's doctor and i wish he was in more episodes. i can't wait for capaldi either though hehehhe ☺☺☺

the only shitty thing was that i was watching it live from u-stream and the stream sucked so there was always this echo and it kept going offline. i still managed to watch the whole thing though at least so im still grateful. rose was in the episode but they couldn't see or hear her so that kinda sucked. we only got like a split second of capaldi which was when all 13 doctors tried to freeze gallifrey into a painting in order to save it from the daleks in the time war. i know, im still confused at that so i might watch the episode again later. 

well the happy ending was that gallifrey was never destroyed and it's still out there somewhere and the doctor will finally be going home ☺ 

i can't wait till the next episode. according to the official doctor who twitter page, the christmas episode is gonna be about the silence (again). im excited ☺☺☺ doctor who is seriously the best

oh well i better go get some sleep now. it's 5:50 am and im exhausted as hell. it really was worth staying up for that episode ☺ goodbye and here's a cute doodle of the t.a.r.d.i.s. and the pink pather that my best friend tracia drew for me go check out her art page on facebook (tracia patricia little art shop) for more drawings and other cool stuff ☺ geronimo!

doctor who 50th anniversary

peter capaldi: the 12th doctor

tomorrow's the day *sniff sniff* doctor who day. i can almost smell capaldi. 

in case you're not in my fandom and you don't know what's so special about capaldi or tomorrow, fear not i shall explain. 

that picture over there on the top right corner is peter capaldi a.k.a. the 12 the doctor. let me give you all a rough explanation of what doctor who is about. 

amy pond

basically this show is about this alien called the doctor that is a time lord. his job is to travel through space and time to save the universe from all sorts of alien mayhem in his blue police box he calls the t.a.r.d.i.s. (time and relative dimension in space). he usually travels with a human female companion for his journeys. all his companions never stay the same because they either decide leave or die. it's hard to decide which companion i love the most but i think that my favourite companion of the doctor would be amy pond (karen gillan). the 11th doctor (a.k.a. matt smith) and amy are my otp.

look guys! it's my otp! 
aren't they perf????
how are they not even dating ????

like omg they look just like a married couple

♡ ♡ ♡ i ship it ♡ ♡ ♡

god damn it you two just get married already! 

so anyway back to doctor who. matt smith is the 11th doctor as i mentioned before. there are 11 doctors so far and matt is the current one. the doctor never dies so he regenerates to become a completely different person which means that his looks, voice and personality will be different but he will still be the same person. when the doctor regenerates, every single molecule and DNA in his body is being rewritten so that's why he changes into a whole different person. so far the doctor has regenerated 10 times so there are a total of 11 different versions of him so far. for the 50th anniversary episode, the 11th doctor will regenerate and become the 12th doctor which would be peter capaldi's doctor. 

the current companion at the moment would be clara oswin oswald. she is known as "the impossible girl" because she has died many times but has always come back to life and is also everywhere in the doctor's history. it's hard to explain why so you've just got to watch the show to understand.

the impossible girl

so tomorrow is special to the entire doctor who fandom because it's the day when they finally air the 50th anniversary episode and the doctor is going to regenerate. plus some of the old cast members will return like billie piper (rose tyler), david tennant (10th doctor) ad john hurt (the doctor that wasn't supposed to happen). i have been waiting six months for a new doctor who episode and i'm so happy right now because now i no longer have to keep rewatching the episodes from previous seasons. there's also a rumour that ALL the previous doctors are coming back too but that's just a rumour so i'm not too sure. 

even the google logo for today is representing the doctor who 50th anniversary by making it a doctor who mini game! ☺

i am literally shaking with excitement right now because i really cannot wait for this new episode. so that's all for now and i'll just sign off with this t.a.r.d.i.s. and snowman with a fez right here ☃ i will blog about the new episode when i get the chance. 

the underground and the underrated

so yesterday i went over to one of my close friends's house and we had ourselves a hipster music session which is basically a session where we share with each other the underground and underrated music that doesn't get enough recognition. 

♡ queen ♡

you see the thing with both of us is this. we like these type of songs which don't have many views on youtube and are super great because sometimes if a song or an artist gets too mainstream it starts to get annoying. for instance, radioactive by imagine dragons and primadonna by marina and the diamonds. as much as i adore marina and the diamonds, i couldn't help getting irritated by how some people were saying that they love marina when they actually only like primadonna. that's why i sometimes think that the best music should just remain hidden for people to find them. 

♡ perfection  ♡

the same sort of goes with lana del rey. people are liking her more for her beauty rather than for her music. she is now only getting recognition because of the new "indie trend" which i think is pretty stupid. back then people used to say that lana's music was weird and they didn't like it but right now because of the indie trend, everyone is just saying how much they love lana and they think her songs are fantastic and all that stuff. 

so anyway here's the list of songs that are some of our underrated favourites:

my number - foals
san francisco - foxygen
blood - the middle east
love love love - avalanche city

try listening to these songs while looking at this 

sunshine - avalanche city
do i wanna know - arctic monkeys
i wanna be yours - arctic monkeys
intro - the xx
riptide - vance joy
backstreet lovers - the crookes
money - the drums
let's go surfing - the drums
obsessions - marina and the diamonds
all i want -kodaline
deadbeat - lightning love
rock it - little red
snowship - benjamin francis leftwich
in/out - dan croll
bloodshake - peace
let's move back to front - zulu winter
together - plug in stereo
rackets - plug in stereo

so that's about it for now. enjoy the underrated music ☺

never say no to pancakes

so today was a good day. in fact one of the best days that i've had in a really long time. today i made pancakes for the first time ever☺

look at those pancakes 

they're not exactly perfect or how i wanted them to turn out but i'd still say it's pretty good for a first attempt at cooking pancakes. 

i wanted to make sour cream pancakes from scratch but sadly i was out of all purpose flour so i had no choice but to use the pillsbury pancake premix that i have.

they weren't round but at least they were still a nice colour and had great texture. i just ate my pancakes with butter and honey because i like things simple ☺

i also went over to hang out with my neighbourhood friends, shine ni and wei lyn. we watched doctor who while having deep conversations and also share our tastes in music. and after that we went jogging and ended up being soaked in the rain and got freaked out by wild toads in the park. 

i will share some of the songs and things that we did tomorrow in more detail and for now i will just leave you the recipe of the sour cream pancakes that i was planning to bake today but didn't manage to because of my lack of baking ingredients. http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/2013/04/edna-maes-sour-cream-pancakes/

basically this day started off great because of pancakes. pancakes are happiness, man... never say no to pancakes

everyone has their own problems but some that are just not as big as others

i'm not exactly happy go lucky and i'm completely aware of it. i'm not very outspoken either. i'm too shy and most of the time when i'm with my friends, those are the only times when i feel brave enough to act like myself. when i'm on my own, i'm quiet and i don't speak to anybody. 

most of the time i feel as if one of the reasons why i'm so unhappy is because of my shyness. it's not easy when you have anxiety. it ruins your life and your happiness. nobody realises how hard it really is for anyone with anxiety. it's not as if anybody would want anxiety in the first place. 

it's not as if people like me choose to be too shy to even start a conversation with anybody, or to be too embarrassed to answer somebody's question because you fear the idea that they might be laughed at by everyone else, or to be too afraid to ask for help from anyone because you believe that they have much better things to do than rather help you, or to even feel embarrassed because you're taking too long to get your money out and pay the cashier at the store and you can feel everyone's eyes just boring right into you. 

yes, those are all symptoms of anxiety. and you know what's the worst thing? when people tell you things like "oh, don't be silly. you're just shy" or "you'll grow out of it later." that doesn't really make anybody feel better. in fact, all it does is make people feel even worse because it's as if you're saying that their problem is trivial and that it shouldn't matter. a problem is still a problem to anybody no matter how big or small it is. just because you've never gone through what someone else has, doesn't mean that it is any less important than whatever problem that you're facing at the moment as well. 

everyone has problems. some that are bigger than others but they are still problems and they still bother the people that have them even though they're tiny ones. anxiety may seem like a small problem but it definitely isn't and it can destroy your future and many opportunities for you as well. 

so here's a little message to everyone that has ever made me feel as if my problems were too small to be important: don't you dare tell me that it isn't that bad unless you've walked in my shoes and seen things from my point of view. 

i know that this is a problem i am facing which i have to fix and i'm aware of it. but i intend on doing that without having other people to put me down by making me feel as if i shouldn't be troubled by it as much as i am now because it isn't as big as other problems. no one deserves to be put down for something that they can't help. 

“Just because one person’s problem is less traumatic than another’s doesn’t mean they’re required to hurt less.”

—	J.A. Redmerski, The Edge of Never

will grayson, will grayson

look how beautiful the cover is!

so i just finished reading this really good book by john green and david levithan called "will grayson, will grayson" (or as my friends and i like to call it, "will grayson multiplied by two"). the storyline behind the book is pretty simple. two teenage boys that each have the exact same name (w i l l g r a y s o n) that live two completely different lives, coincidentally bump into each other on one regular night in chicago. 

so john and david decided to split it evenly in half. john green wrote the odd numbered chapters while david levithan wrote the even numbered ones. they both had their own will grayson to write about. for example: john's will grayson is in all the odd numbered chapters while david's will grayson is in the even numbered ones.)

so lets discuss the difference between these two will graysons:

john's will grayson (will grayson #1) is pretty much like that one friend in every group of friends out there. that friend that is pretty much like the third wheel. he's the friend that barely contributes any ideas to anything and is silent most of the time unless you ask him to speak. he is best friends with tiny cooper which ironically is the biggest person he knows and at the same time the gayest as well. he has a romantic interest in jane which is one of the friends in their group. 

now moving on to david's will grayson (will grayson #2). he's a angry teenage boy that suffers from severe depression and is also gay. he doesn't really have any friends at the very beginning of the book except for this girl named maura which had an interest in him but she was more of an acquaintance rather than a friend to him. the only person which he was close with was this internet friend of his named isaac which he later realised that it was maura all along that was pulling a cruel joke on him. 

so both will graysons meet one chicago night at this porn store. will grayson #1 had just been dumped by his group of friends to see a concert that he couldn't get into while will grayson #2 was supposed to meet isaac there but later found out from maura that she had set the whole thing up. they started talking to each other about their lives and by the end of that night go their separate ways once more. they never interact with each other again until at the very end of the book. 

after that encounter with each other, will grayson #2 gets into a relationship with tiny and he then discovers feelings of love that he had never felt before. meanwhile, tiny is writing a musical based on his life and about love. will grayson #1 realises then that he isn't as important to tiny as tiny is to him. he realises what it really feels to love someone that means a lot to you. 

"i think about how much depends upon a best friend. Then you wake up in the morning you swing your legs out of bed and you put your feet on the ground and you stand up. you don't scoot to the edge of the bed and look down to make sure the floor is there. the floor is always there. until it's not.”  - will grayson #1

just from that one simple quote, i can actually relate to it quite a lot. i guess that you can say that in a way i am very similar to will grayson #1. he does not know that his best friend is that important to him until he is forgotten by him. 

will grayson #1 mentions that he has a stuffed animal toy named marvin that he used to play with all the time but as the years went by marvin slowly grew less important to him. every once in a while will would still take marvin out of the closet for the stuffed toy's sake even though it sounds pathetic even to himself. sometimes will feels as if he is tiny's marvin and tiny is stuck with someone like him who probably cares more about his friends that they will ever about him. 

on a scale of 1 to 10 i can relate to this on the number 12. sometimes like will, i feel as if i'm never good enough for my best friend and that instead of wanting to be my friend they are stuck with me instead. i feel as if i am nothing but something that is just bothering them instead of benefitting them. from this, i've learned that love is complex and sometimes you don't exactly know that you love something or someone or even the relationship that you share with them until it's gone. 

this isn't the first john green book that i've read but it is the first time reading david levithan's writing. i am surprised to know that his writing is just as good as john green's and the next time i go book shopping i will be sure to pick up some of his books. 

this is seriously a good book and i'd highly recommend it to anyone. it's a great book about love and friendship and also all the feelings that come along with those two things. i'll give it a 10/10 (yes, it's that good) and it is now #2 on my list of favourite books of all time (after the perks of being a wallflower). 

do let me know if you'd like me to do more book reviews and also let me know if there's any books that you want me to read or do reviews about. ☺

do you have room for one more troubled soul?

life can be pretty confusing. well, actually, a lot confusing. sometimes we aren't able to differentiate between what is real and what isn't. just like how sometimes we often get confused whether or not whatever memory that we remember is a fragment of a dream or a reality. 

life is complicated too. it's like a maze or a never-ending tunnel. you can see where it leads you but you never really know where it ends and by that it also means you never really know what will truly happen to you in the future. life is full of empty gaps that need to be filled and i intend on filling those gaps up. 

things never go the way you want them to. one day you can feel like you're on top of the world and the next day you can possibly feel just like the dirt under somebody else's shoe. one day you can be the most important person in the world to somebody and the next day it would be as if you never meant anything to them. you see, that's life. it's a never-ending labyrinth of emotions. seasons change and so do people. they come and go just like the seasons do and they leave just as suddenly as they came. 

"but because things change. and friends leave. and life doesn't stop for anybody." The Perks of Being A Wallflower - Stephen Chbosky

but even though i know that people will always leave, i want to be remembered. i want to leave a legacy behind so that people will know the real me instead of what this washed up society wants to see. 

the society sees me as just another regular girl but the truth is i'm more than that. i am my favourite songs and my favourite poems and stories. i am a mess of unfinished thoughts and also memories and events that have never even happened, all sewn together to create me. i am the things that i eat and also the clothes that i wear. i am a book just waiting to be read. 

so this is life. i can't exactly control it for it's a roller coaster ride of a lifetime that i need to appreciate and i've decided that it's about time that i have. there's only one small question though... 

is there room for one more troubled soul?