i'm not exactly happy go lucky and i'm completely aware of it. i'm not very outspoken either. i'm too shy and most of the time when i'm with my friends, those are the only times when i feel brave enough to act like myself. when i'm on my own, i'm quiet and i don't speak to anybody.
most of the time i feel as if one of the reasons why i'm so unhappy is because of my shyness. it's not easy when you have anxiety. it ruins your life and your happiness. nobody realises how hard it really is for anyone with anxiety. it's not as if anybody would want anxiety in the first place.
it's not as if people like me choose to be too shy to even start a conversation with anybody, or to be too embarrassed to answer somebody's question because you fear the idea that they might be laughed at by everyone else, or to be too afraid to ask for help from anyone because you believe that they have much better things to do than rather help you, or to even feel embarrassed because you're taking too long to get your money out and pay the cashier at the store and you can feel everyone's eyes just boring right into you.
yes, those are all symptoms of anxiety. and you know what's the worst thing? when people tell you things like "oh, don't be silly. you're just shy" or "you'll grow out of it later." that doesn't really make anybody feel better. in fact, all it does is make people feel even worse because it's as if you're saying that their problem is trivial and that it shouldn't matter. a problem is still a problem to anybody no matter how big or small it is. just because you've never gone through what someone else has, doesn't mean that it is any less important than whatever problem that you're facing at the moment as well.
everyone has problems. some that are bigger than others but they are still problems and they still bother the people that have them even though they're tiny ones. anxiety may seem like a small problem but it definitely isn't and it can destroy your future and many opportunities for you as well.
so here's a little message to everyone that has ever made me feel as if my problems were too small to be important: don't you dare tell me that it isn't that bad unless you've walked in my shoes and seen things from my point of view.
i know that this is a problem i am facing which i have to fix and i'm aware of it. but i intend on doing that without having other people to put me down by making me feel as if i shouldn't be troubled by it as much as i am now because it isn't as big as other problems. no one deserves to be put down for something that they can't help.
“Just because one person’s problem is less traumatic than another’s doesn’t mean they’re required to hurt less.”
| — | J.A. Redmerski, The Edge of Never |
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